When I asked my mentor and coach, Seth Barnes to recommend some “must-read” books to me a few weeks ago, Peter Scazzero‘s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality was first on the list.
He’d seen and heard some of my struggles and my request presented him an opportunity to introduce this great book, to help drive home a few points and stabilize my cruise. I’m most grateful.
I must confess that I struggled to finish this book. I can’t count how many times I abandoned it, muting “oh my goodness” under my breath. It pressed me into hidden matters of the heart that need immediate attention. Some of the issues will take a while to unpack.
As we head into the year 2013, which I believe is loaded with life-changing prospects for good, I highly recommend this book to every Christian. Young or old, broken or well-made, single or married, divorced or wishing it, rich or poor, active in ministry, on some job or just there– please get this 227 paged book and give yourself a chance to grow in the right places this year.
Laced with many personal, practical examples and guidelines, this book offers something truly unique. It also has a DVD and Workbook to help discuss and digest the details.
Here are a few extracts:
“Christian spirituality, without an integration of emotional health, can be deadly-to yourself, your relationship with God, and the people around you… Because people are having real, and helpful spiritual experiences in certain areas of their lives- such as worship, prayer, Bible studies, and fellowship- they mistakenly believe they are doing fine, even if their relational life and interior world is not in order. This apparent “progress” then provides the reason for not doing the hard work of maturing.”
Peter Scazzero explains that “the great temptations towards the false self” traps the soul with three major prongs. First is the- I am what I do (Performance); then, I am what I have (Possession) and third, I am what others think (Popularity).
“…it is essential for us to clearly identify the primary symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality that continue to wreak havoc on our personal lives and our churches. The following are the top ten symptoms indicating if someone is suffering from a bad case of emotionally unhealthy spirituality.”
1. Using God to run from God
2. Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness, and fear
3. Dying to the wrong things
4. Denying the past’s impact on the present
5. Dividing our lives into “secular” and “sacred” compartments
6. Doing for God instead of being with God
7. Spiritualizing away conflict
8. Covering over brokenness, weakness, and failure
9. Living without limits
10. Judging other people’s spiritual journey
He graciously explained these symptoms.
We are called to follow Christ and make Him loved and worshiped by the way we relate to the world around us. Some of us are doing poorly at this and know it. But some others, though weak too, are totally oblivious of what must change and why. Like that blind man in Mark 8:22-25, they see men like trees, walking; sadly, they are content. After all, it’s better than the former state of darkness.
Adults as Emotional Infants
o Look for others to take care of them
o Are driven by need for instant gratification
o Use others as objects to meet their needs
Adults as Emotional Children
o Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want
o Interpret disagreement as personal offenses and are easily hurt
o Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, become sarcastic when they don’t get their way
o Have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way
Adults as Emotional Adolescents
o Tend to often be defensive
o Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return
o Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a third party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely
o Have great difficulty truly listening to another person’s pain, disappointments, or needs
o Are critical and judgmental, yet threatened and alarmed themselves by criticism
Growing into emotionally mature adults doesn’t happen naturally. It takes hard work. If these (select) categories above as highlighted in the book connect with you in a personal way, that’s okay. Question is, what should you do to engage for change?
There’s hope for all that see the cracks and decide to deliberately press into the loving arms of a Father who’s saying, “Come into my presence boldly, I have a Man like you in here already.” Heb 10:19-22 (My summary) This book can help.
Emotionally Mature Adult
o Able to ask for what they need, want, and prefer -clearly, directly, honestly, respectfully
o Recognize, manage and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings
o Can, when under stress state their own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial
o Respect others without having to change them and give people room to make mistakes
o Accurately access their own limits, strengths, and weaknesses and are able to freely discuss them with others
o Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world (brokenness) and thus are able to enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves
o Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others (even when there are clearly wrong)
If this Emotionally Mature Adult is not the goal of Christian discipleship, I don’t know what is.
Let’s strive for this, beginning with ourselves, in 2013 and beyond.
This is not a call to another New Year Resolution. This is a call to live free and die happy.
Happy Year New my friend!!
Kingdom Exploits With Uche 