Category: Breaking Strongholds

For many men, the
giant Jupiter among the planets of our emotional solar system is sex. When the
spectacularly larger sun of Christ’s supremacy is rejected as the center of the
solar system of our lives, all the planets (other life issues, sex inclusive)
go out of orbit.

What a chaos results! But when
Christ is restored as supreme to the blazing center of the solar system of our
lives, harmony is restored. For in Him, ALL THINGS find their
bearing and purpose. (Col
1:16)

Thus, to counsel that one should
“just stop it”, if they don’t like it is to not reckon with the operations of the addiction and also misjudge the nature of this insidious vice.
People, who have never suffered the intense pressures of an addiction, most times lack the experience needed to guide victims
into the light.

Though we know from Apostle Peter’s
instructions that some, who are still bond by an evil habit may hypocritically attempt
to counsel others (I’ve done this before), hoping to proffer workable solutions
for them.

Their counsels may or may not be
useful but how tragic, that the consultant physician cannot cure himself first,
of the very same malady harassing his patients. It’s either a case of willful ignorance or blatant
deception. I have been there and I know that life.

I was hooked on masturbation for
many years. Having been exposed to sex very early in life, I needed a secure
and constant platform for practice. Masturbation offered it and I carried this
habit like a precious little luggage into my Christian walk. Pity!

As a Christian, I tried hard to just stop it. But like the force of
gravity which may appear absent when an object is projected upward, I’d relish
my freedom until the fuel of my will power, which sometimes was a powerful
Christian conference runs-out and the pressure returns, dragging me under
again.

From my experience, I know that
most men hooked on masturbation use pornography. Men need an image to sustain
the act and relive the experience. This is the crux of the problem. That image,
defiles! Pornographic images which are difficult to erase from the mind act as fertilizer for seeds of masturbation and other sexual lusts.

There’s no debating the fact that
99% of men who masturbate habitually are addicted to the orgasmic experience it
offers, which is often the chief goal. But some also use it when angry, tensed
up or stressed out. It’s a drug of choice for those who have unconsciously embraced the
fantasy of sexual lust as a key component of their skewed identity. This is self-idolatry.

Addiction to the orgasmic experience
explains why a woman or a girl (even a virgin) who’s never used pornography nor
had extra martial sex could be enslaved by masturbation.

The solutions I present here are not independent of one another and are
based on my personal experience and the counsels I received, shared and seen work for determined disciples.

1.        Before repentance,
there’s always guilt. Many people struggling with masturbation repent many
times over and are remorseful for as long the shame lasts. But repentance needs
deliberate actions beyond will-power to sustain the change of heart and guarantee lasting victory. 

2.        Destroy all links to
pornographic materials and stay away from movies, music, places and even people
that seduce your heart in that direction. The mind has to be properly
conditioned to engage in a sexual act. Guard yours with all alertness.

3.        Prayer and rigorous
fasting sessions were my one-punch-two-hits solution. I discovered to my joy
that during prolonged times of fasting and prayer, the appetite for sin,
especially sexual lusts disappeared. I fed vigorously on the word of God and disciplined myself through fasting thus developed the fruit of the Spirit called self-control Gal 5:22-23. Self-Control is NOT will-power, it is Spirit power, working in us to do the mind of Christ.

4.        But I couldn’t be
fasting all the time! So there was a need for a backup plan. I had to humble myself
and submit to several friends whom I told my challenges in this area. I noticed
a remarkable peace come over me with this bold act. Truly, there’s healing (victory) when
we confess our sins to another to pray along with us (James
5:16). I understood that walking in
the light as He is in the light (1John
1:7) meant unmasking myself to someone, before true fellowship with them
and the Lord, along with deliverance can happen.  Find a safe person.

5.        Victory could also come
instantly, such that the desire for the habit quits in a miraculous fashion. Sometimes
the person can’t explain how it happened. That was my experience with stealing,
but not masturbation.

6.        Above all, enthrone the Lord in your
heart as the primary essence of living. Be addicted to the glory of God in all things. A heart that’s not overwhelmed by the
love and glory of Jesus cannot experience freedom from an addiction like masturbation. At the core of
the problem is a weak affection for the Saviour, who longs to be Lord of all. A
fervent love will ask like Joseph, “… How then could I do such an
immoral thing and sin against God?” (Gen
39:9) A focused heart will say like David, “I have set Jehovah always
before Me; because He is at My
right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore My heart is glad, and My glory
rejoices; My flesh also shall rest in hope.” (Psalm
16: 8-9)

“When God plants a
dream in your heart there is invariably a period of patience producing lulls.
Not unlike the months leading up to a physical birth there are seasons of
doubt, discomfort and even denial. We often cannot see the progress we long
for. That is when every temptation hits us to forfeit the finality of our
promise. If you have lost hope…hold on with the help of a strong and gentle
Jesus and surround yourself with healthy and caring friends.” Butch Maltby

I received this beautiful article written by Jim
Rohn as an email from a dear friend this morning and knew I should share it
here. So much has been happening in and around me and people I know that makes this apt now.

We are not born with courage,
but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of your fears are brought on by
your own experiences, by what someone has told you, by what you’ve read in the
papers. Some fears are valid, like walking alone in a bad part of town at two
o’clock in the morning. But once you learn to avoid that situation, you won’t
need to live in fear of it.

Fears, even the most basic ones,
can totally destroy our ambitions. Fear can destroy fortunes. Fear can destroy
relationships. Fear, if left unchecked, can destroy our lives. Fear is one of
the many enemies lurking inside us.

Let me tell you about five of
the other enemies we face from within. The
first enemy that you’ve got to destroy before it destroys you is indifference.
What a tragic disease this is. “Ho-hum, let it slide. I’ll just drift
along.” Here’s one problem with drifting: you can’t drift your way to the
top of the mountain.

The second enemy we face is indecision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise.
It will steal your chances for a better future. Take a sword to this enemy.

The third enemy inside is doubt. Sure, there’s room for healthy skepticism. You can’t
believe everything. But you also can’t let doubt take over. Many people doubt
the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the
possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worse of all, they doubt themselves.
I’m telling you, doubt will destroy your life and your chances of success. It
will empty both your bank account and your heart. Doubt is an enemy Go after
it. Get rid of it.

The fourth enemy within is worry. We’ve all got to worry some. Just don’t let it conquer
you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb
in New York City and a taxi is coming, you’ve got to worry. But you can’t let
worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here’s what
you’ve got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is
out to get you, you’ve got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you’ve got to
push back.

The fifth interior enemy is over-caution. It is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a
virtue; it’s an illness. If you let it go, it’ll conquer you. Timid people
don’t get promoted. They don’t advance and grow and become powerful in the
marketplace. You’ve got to avoid over-caution.

Do battle with the enemy. Do
battle with your fears. Build your courage to fight what’s holding you back,
what’s keeping you from your goals and dreams. Be courageous in your life and
in your pursuit of the things you want and the person you want to become.

The news of a man that was arrested for attempting to commit suicide was the first story that welcomed me when I visited Juba 10days ago. The man, a military officer had his wife taken from him by his in-laws for not completing the bride price climbed up a tree and threatened to jump if his wife was not returned.

Neighbors and sympathizers appealed to his commonsense and he came down. The police promptly arrested him and locked him up. He may be in there for a while.

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain or shame but they forget that relief is a feeling; and you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

We all deal with emotional pain, anger and disappointments on our own terms. Sometimes we express it in a way that feels good at that moment, but causes more problems afterwards. Or, we cage it inside us because we feel it is “ours“. We could also conceal it because we don’t want to stir the hornet, but that just seems to make us feel worse. Romancing the pain via meditation facilitates the growth of an angry and bitter spirit.

As you can probably tell by observing other people in your life, everyone struggles with how and when to express and manage anger. Should we avoid it?  Is it possible to ignore offense altogether? By no means!

In his blog Failure is often a gift of God, Seth Barnes said, “What I learned during my season of failure is that God was giving me a gift – the gift of faith. I just couldn’t see it at the time. Take another look at what’s going on around you. God is at work.” This is good news.

What depths or heights of anger have you recovered from that you see many struggling with? What’s your story?

A group of young boys aged between 13 and 19 were hanging out with me some time ago and just wanted to hear me share something, anything on any topic with them. One even begged to hear stories of my mission trips. It was one of those unplanned but priceless moments. How I love connecting with young people!

“What do you think of pornography?” I asked them.

The question hung in the air for almost two minutes. I observed as heads bowed and some literally docked behind others, giggling and muttering away. This was not what they expected. 

Suddenly, one of them asked; “what is pornography?” His face expressed amazement. I knew he was innocently confused and must be carried along.

“Who can tell our brother what pornography is all about?”

We waited again; no one was ready for this, so answers have to be well thought out. A sense of seriousness seemed to grip some but I wasn’t going to wait forever for a response. 

I fancied one of them, who I thought could bail out the class; so I directed the question to him. “What do you know about pornography?” He turned to look at the guy behind him, pretending not to know I was referring to him. “Yes, you.” “Me?” I nodded.

His reply kicked the class into motion. “It is pictures and videos of naked “babes” (girls) and guys banging (having sex), you know em, em, em, that kain thin shaa…”

It was not just his choice of words that rocked the class – using babes for girls and banging for sex but the way he expressed himself. His body language communicated more than his words on this subject. It excited everyone and ushered in the right atmosphere for a meeting like this.

As the class bellowed in rapturous laughter, I turned to the fellow that didn’t know the word, lifting my eyebrow; he gave me a sheepish smile and several nods. He got it, he knew this thing, just the name for it was missing. These kids were all born again but it was clear that there was “porn-again” in their Christian experience. How far have they gone? I was soon to find out. That’s how our one-day porn-again believers’ class set sail.

I started by sharing my own experience and experiments with pornography, as a way of releasing them to engage the subject without disguise and the fear of rejection and condemnation. I’d never done this before but I sensed the atmosphere was right for such disclosure. The Scripture is so true, “What a joy it is to find just the right word for the right occasion!” (Proverbs 15:23)  

Our chat naturally progressed into talks on pre-marital sex and masturbation. When I asked each person to share their experience here, it was explosive. I heard shocking revelations and on-going challenges, some almost impossible to believe, making one hour seem like ten minutes. Right there with me were fathers at age 16 and 17!

One of them even said he heard from a “man of God” that masturbation was okay, it is safer, there’s no chance of getting AIDS, you are not hurting anyone, you need to relieve yourself sometimes as nature demands…” I told him that was the devil speaking. Pornography and masturbation seemed to be very attractive to those boys. Sadly, its false promises had sponsored major cracks in their walk with Jesus. But were they looking for solutions? I wondered.

It was clear that those with big problems began with the desire to experiment, to explore, to assist an initial sexual desire with a little pornographic material. This discovery stage is the first of three major stages of this devious and demonic act. When they notice that no “bombs exploded”, they got deeper and deeper, thus building a habit, and the next stage, repetition is birth.

The tragedy assumes monstrous dimensions as the body adjusts to new levels of stimulation it is being subjected to. Just like our love for sugar, the next session has to be more fascinating than the last (by this time we are talking incorporation, a lifestyle). The porn user is now craving intensity. He seeks, buys and stores pornographic materials in several places from the internet, to hard drives, to cell phones, where they are now more readily accessible and especially “renewable”.

Pornography darkens the mind; reducing one’s tolerance for what is real while increasing dependence on mere fantasy! Initially, it seems harmless but like weeds, it soon proves fatal as other vices like masturbation, fornication, homosexuality, and adultery take hold of the user. God rescued me!!

My goal as I discussed with those boys that day was not just to highlight the need for sexual purity which I hoped they desired but also for responsible and honorable stewardship of their bodies, as commanded in the Scriptures (1 Thessalonians 4:1-5). It had to start now. Marriage is great, but does not cure sexual immorality nor delivers one from pornography.

As we progressed, I saw that bringing them to a place of personal repentance was easy, as God had begun working in their hearts. But the challenge lay in forsaking the habit and recovering fully. Some still had porno stuff on their cell phone right there!!

Five steps helped me explain the challenge of pornography and start a recovery process for some of them that day.

Be Realistic: Recognize that sexual temptation is inevitable. But pornography is avoidable. Erotic images on newspapers, billboards, films, television, and a thousand other stimulants are bombarding you daily. But don’t feed on them.

Be Ready: Decide in advance what to do when you’re tempted, how to distract yourself, who to call, how to escape entrapments. There’s always a way out.

Be Sober: Pornography amplifies immoral sexual fantasies and every flirtatious conversation you keep, or every “second look” you indulge in is the seed for fornication, adultery, a broken relationship, HIV/AIDS, a shattered life and worse still, eternal damnation.

Lights On: Sexual sins like using pornography thrive in the dark. The secrecy surrounding it is what strengthens its hold on you. Deal with shame (see how-to here); come into the light by confessing to someone that can help and stay in the light by being accountable.

Get Help: The use of pornography is indicative of deeper emotional problems that someone is trying to fix with the wrong tool. Please get help from a trusted mature Christian.

This worldwide multimillion-dollar evil business that has no class or creed restrictions cannot be tackled without the deliberate refocusing of those shackled therein by way of a spiritual heart transplant.