The challenge of childless widows in Africa

It’s sad enough mourning the death of her husband. But what
do you say to her when all she labored to build with her husband is taken away from
her by her in-laws? Why? She had no child for their late son, brother, uncle,
nephew… whatever.

This is the story of Esther, our precious care-taker and
cook at our missions’ base in Yei. She met and married her darling husband, a
pastor, in 1996. Before they met, his first wife had run away leaving him with their
three kids, all boys. The oldest was 5 at the time. She took them as her own
children and brought them up.

As the years passed, medications and several visits to
the hospital for operations could not help in her quest to have a child of her
own. They arrived at that point where only God could step in and act. So they
continued to pray and trust Him.

In March this year, the unexpected happened. Esther’s
husband passed-away. He’d complained of pains and aches in a number of places.
Death was the last thing on anyone’s mind. You are never fully prepared for
death and its consequences.

The burial went well but that marked the beginning of new
sorrows. “What shall we do with this barren woman and our brothers’ belongings?”
This was the big question before her in-laws. After several meetings, it was
agreed she should stay in the family house until the man’s eldest son is old
enough to inherit his father’s property. When will that be? When he feels up to
it, seemed to be the perfect answer.

Barely 6weeks after the elders’ final verdict on her,
while she was at work, her eldest step-son who is now 18 came to their home
with a truck and carried all the furniture and electronics in their family home
and moved them to an unknown place. She was too hurt to come to work the
following day. I thought she was sick so went looking for her in the company of
another disciple.

“Uche, Benji (not his real name) has come and carried
everything in the house.” She cried. I was shocked. She went to borrow three
plastic chairs from a neighbor for us to sit down. The house was bear,
everything was gone, beds, settee and all. Only her box of clothes remained.
Her tears were much.

“I brought up these boys from when they were small till
now. I fed them and bathe them, but now, look at what they gave me as- thank
you present.” I went to work immediately on her. Self-pity has a way of making itself appealing to the wounded heart. Roots of hatred and bitterness soon become difficult
to deal with at later stages, if allowed to sprout. She had to let go of these things and give God room to be the All Sufficient One for her. It was hard reaching her then,
but she’s coping better now.

This is not a strange case. In many African cultures,
when a widowed woman has no children, she losses all rights and privileges to
the family of her late husband. Her options could depend on a number of variables like her age, job, education, past relationships with the in-laws, sheer poverty and others. The stigma of childlessness is huge in Africa. I recall
a preacher’s wife say, “…God can test me with anything in this world but NOT
barrenness.” The bottom line for the widow here is CHILDREN. Many African cultures
say she needs them to belong, in some cases, she needs them to survive.

The levirate practice (where a man may be required to marry his brother’s widow if he had no children with her) was
permitted in the Old Testament and is still being practiced in some African
cultures today. But someone reminded me that the current scourge of HIV/AIDS is
silently phasing out this age-long custom.

Do you know any widows like Esther? Kindly
connect with them this season, support them in anyway you can and reassure them of God’s love and care.

Author: Uche Izuora

I'm inspired by God’s passion for His name in every generation, which provokes global worship through Jesus Christ. Becoming an emotionally healthy and transformative disciple, I aim to mobilize the Church to engage in cross-cultural missions and raise other like-minded disciples who discover themselves in Christ and seek to present and represent Him as Savior and Lord among the nations northward of Uganda. View all posts by Uche Izuora