Flunking forbearance: two cripples at war

 The phrase in
Colossians 3:13 that command forgiveness and forbearance deserve a diligent
study. I’m not a fan of the King James Version of the Bible (though I was
thereby nursed), it uses an expression in that text I feel is foreign in modern
grammar- “Forbearing one another…”

To forbear or forbearance isn’t very romantic or inspiring;
in short it means “to put up with, to endure.” It may not sound very
spiritual to say that we have to “put up with” some kinds of people,
but isn’t that exactly what this scripture and Ephesians 4:2 are requiring of
us?

There are some people and some things we need to forgive.
Many more, we need to grit our teeth and put up with and endure. I’m learning
my lessons by observation and examination. We need wisdom to be able to make a
distinction between forgiving and forbearing. If I turn every grievance into a
forgiveness issue, I could become a very lonely person. I could also appear to
others as proud and they may choose to avoid me or labor unnecessarily to
satisfy me; thus making me a graceless egghead.

Dictionaries give a variety of definitions of forbearance:
“a delay in enforcing rights, claims, or privileges”; ” self-control,
especially in not responding to provocation “; “a good-natured tolerance
of delay or incompetence.”

For some people, forbearance refers to the postponing or
reducing of payments on a debt, though the interest keeps accruing and the loan
is still due; they says, “I may not make you pay now, but your day is
coming and the interest is growing!”

Forbearing is not about postponing repayment, but rather
involves putting up with the weaknesses, frailties, and failings of others, without
charging it to their account or making it a big issue; without continuing to
relate to them based on their past errors. It is like a lubricant that helps
minimize interpersonal friction which abounds in any relationship.

We are usually convinced that it is other person, not us,
who possess irritating mannerisms, annoying habits and negative personalities.
We wonder why they seem to enjoy such bad music (not our kind, the good stuff),
have such a poor taste for clothes, seem to demand or command special attention
or act immaturely? They probably feel
the same way about us! One of the great surprises of the first year of marriage
is how many unexpected and some unexplainable things you discover in the person
you once viewed only through the misty lens of romantic love. But marriage,
friends, family, and church exist in the cruel world of reality.  Our reactions and responses matter more than
we think they do.

The great missionary leader Hudson Taylor was once
challenged by his fellows about the incompetence of some of his missionaries.
His response- “My greatest temptation is to lose my temper over the
slackness and inefficiency so disappointing in those on whom I depended. It is
no use to lose my temper-only kindness. But oh, it is such a trial!”

To forbear is to grit your teeth and to put up with
differences, mistakes, and failures in an attitude of grace, because we are
deeply and humbly aware of our own need of grace. Forbearance is all about enduring
discomfort on account of love without showing it. I wish I could stress the
importance of not SHOWING IT. I mean not hoping the other party learns their
lessons from your coded silence or comments. I know my wife will certainly take
me up on some of these comments and she should.

I’ve thought much about the story behind the fight captured
in this video clip between two friends, cripples. They fought the way to
national fame on TV over a girl and some few change. Could this their disgraceful
public row be better than your private graceless restraint?

How are you dealing with hurt from friends and
family? Have you started asking that dreadful question, “for how
long…?” If yes, then it’s time to acknowledge, embrace and dispense the graciousness
of a love-charged forbearing spirit which we enjoy freely in and with Jesus Christ.

Author: Uche Izuora

I'm inspired by God’s passion for His name in every generation, which provokes global worship through Jesus Christ. Becoming an emotionally healthy and transformative disciple, I aim to mobilize the Church to engage in cross-cultural missions and raise other like-minded disciples who discover themselves in Christ and seek to present and represent Him as Savior and Lord among the nations northward of Uganda. View all posts by Uche Izuora