What fills my heart?

As my life adventures of faith in Jesus Christ take me here and
there, I see that the need for regular pit stops cannot be over emphasized.

I’ll be
leaving Sudan soon; but not before I finish running tests on my heart, with the
instructions of two great men. John Maxwell’s message – Inside
Out Leadership, fuels my resolve to probe my intentions and re-evaluate my
relationship with Jesus in the light of my Christian service.

Brother
Maxwell insists that working on being bigger and better on the inside, will by
and by make one bigger and better on the outside. People, who appear bigger and
better on the outside but small on the inside, will sooner or later hit the
wall. The inside, is the heart-side.
So I’m asking the question, “What fills my heart?”

Apostle Paul
enjoins believers in his Epistle to the Corinthian Church to, “Test yourselves to make
sure you are solid in the faith. Don’t drift along taking everything for
granted. Give yourselves regular checkups. You need firsthand evidence, not
mere hearsay that Jesus Christ is in you. Test it out. If you fail the test, do
something about it.”(2Cor 13:5 The Message Bible)

It is impossible
to properly address the condition of any heart without revealed truth. Where
truth is frustrated with deception and disallowed through unbelief, compromise
thrives. If unchecked, over time, compromise displaces truth and one’s
conscience becomes “seared with hot iron”.

I’ve seen
how vices like covetousness, lust, bitterness and unforgiveness can thrive
successfully in the heart of Christ’s disciples; even as they earnestly seek
godly privileges and pursue their divine callings. Tragically, they may feel no
need for an emergency spiritual make-over. I wonder at these things with the
question, “What fills my heart?”

“But
Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit, and to keep
back some of the price of the land?”” (Acts 5:3 my emphasis)

This man and
his wife were about to hit a high pitch on the outside, but God exposed the
diminutive nature of their inside.
Their inside was filled with lies. They may have known Jesus personally, so I
don’t think they started like this- alas, how badly they ended.

I’m asking
myself today, “Uche, are you doing anything remotely similar to what
Ananias and Sapphira did though you seek and expect the evidence and power of a
life totally given to God, but giving yourself only in part, yet presuming to
have given yourself wholly?”

The
searchlight is on me, but
you may also see yourself if you try searching. I know I want
the semblance of the comfort of the Spirit and His intimate communion, but it
appears too, that I want it at the lesser price of embracing truth in a
doctrinal sense alone, or in the sense of being correct, rather than
acknowledging truth as the very sum and substance of the reality of my
existence.

Sometimes, I
notice a struggle in me to want to speak the truth but not to be true; to use
correct words and publicly acknowledge truth, but not to obey it. In the light
of my relationship with Jesus, I’m seriously asking myself, “Uche, what
fills your heart, a passion for Him or for yourself?”

Am I
replacing partial truth for the whole, in my attitude and actions? Is the
reality of what I believe and teach transforming me first? For Ananias and
wife, it was covetousness which had to be preserved with lies. It could have
been unforgiveness or bitterness or pride… A heart gets filled with
something. “Uche, what’s fills your heart today?”

To decide to
tolerate one evil (no matter how insignificant and for whatever the reason) is
to violate the whole truth. To be 99.99% true and represent that as the whole
truth is to lie utterly. It could be where I’m most tempted to keep back for
myself that the issue of truth really lies.

What one
truth, what one final issue, what one reserve is it, that keeps me back from that
total abandon in Jesus I earnestly long for, that makes truth really the truth,
and injects into my vision and ministry the reality of  Christ’s presence
and glory?

What really
fills my heart… and yours?

Author: Uche Izuora

I'm inspired by God’s passion for His name in every generation, which provokes global worship through Jesus Christ. Becoming an emotionally healthy and transformative disciple, I aim to mobilize the Church to engage in cross-cultural missions and raise other like-minded disciples who discover themselves in Christ and seek to present and represent Him as Savior and Lord among the nations northward of Uganda. View all posts by Uche Izuora