What fills my heart?

As my life adventures of faith in Jesus Christ take me here and
there, I see that the need for regular pit stops cannot be over emphasized.

I’ll be
leaving Sudan soon; but not before I finish running tests on my heart, with the
instructions of two great men. John Maxwell’s message – Inside
Out Leadership
, fuels my resolve to probe my intentions and re-evaluate my
relationship with Jesus in the light of my Christian service.

Brother
Maxwell insists that working on being bigger and better on the inside, will by
and by make one bigger and better on the outside. People, who appear bigger and
better on the outside but small on the inside, will sooner or later hit the
wall. The inside, is the heart-side.
So I’m asking the question, “What fills my heart?”

Apostle Paul
enjoins believers in his Epistle to the Corinthian Church to, “Test yourselves to make
sure you are solid in the faith. Don’t drift along taking everything for
granted. Give yourselves regular checkups. You need firsthand evidence, not
mere hearsay that Jesus Christ is in you. Test it out. If you fail the test, do
something about it.”
(2Cor 13:5 The Message Bible)

It is impossible
to properly address the condition of any heart without revealed truth. Where
truth is frustrated with deception and disallowed through unbelief, compromise
thrives. If unchecked, over time, compromise displaces truth and one’s
conscience becomes “seared with hot iron”.

I’ve seen
how vices like covetousness, lust, bitterness and unforgiveness can thrive
successfully in the heart of Christ’s disciples; even as they earnestly seek
godly privileges and pursue their divine callings. Tragically, they may feel no
need for an emergency spiritual make-over. I wonder at these things with the
question, “What fills my heart?”

“But
Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit, and to keep
back some of the price of the land?”
” (Acts 5:3 my emphasis)

This man and
his wife were about to hit a high pitch on the outside, but God exposed the
diminutive nature of their inside.
Their inside was filled with lies. They may have known Jesus personally, so I
don’t think they started like this- alas, how badly they ended.

I’m asking
myself today, “Uche, are you doing anything remotely similar to what
Ananias and Sapphira did though you seek and expect the evidence and power of a
life totally given to God, but giving yourself only in part, yet presuming to
have given yourself wholly?”

The
searchlight is on me, but
you may also see yourself if you try searching. I know I want
the semblance of the comfort of the Spirit and His intimate communion, but it
appears too, that I want it at the lesser price of embracing truth in a
doctrinal sense alone, or in the sense of being correct, rather than
acknowledging truth as the very sum and substance of the reality of my
existence.

Sometimes, I
notice a struggle in me to want to speak the truth but not to be true; to use
correct words and publicly acknowledge truth, but not to obey it. In the light
of my relationship with Jesus, I’m seriously asking myself, “Uche, what
fills your heart, a passion for Him or for yourself?”

Am I
replacing partial truth for the whole, in my attitude and actions? Is the
reality of what I believe and teach transforming me first? For Ananias and
wife, it was covetousness which had to be preserved with lies. It could have
been unforgiveness or bitterness or pride… A heart gets filled with
something. “Uche, what’s fills your heart today?”

To decide to
tolerate one evil (no matter how insignificant and for whatever the reason) is
to violate the whole truth. To be 99.99% true and represent that as the whole
truth is to lie utterly. It could be where I’m most tempted to keep back for
myself that the issue of truth really lies.

What one
truth, what one final issue, what one reserve is it, that keeps me back from that
total abandon in Jesus I earnestly long for, that makes truth really the truth,
and injects into my vision and ministry the reality of  Christ’s presence
and glory?

What really
fills my heart… and yours?

Encounter with demons

Years ago, we derived immense satisfaction and, I must confess, even some excitement from engaging demons and dealing with them.

In those days, you dared not fall to the ground during one of our prayer or worship meetings! If you did, we were likely to interpret it as evidence of demonic activity, and you probably weren’t going home until whatever we believed was troubling you had been confronted.

We were young, zealous and sometimes overconfident.

Yes, Jesus warned His disciples not to become carried away because spirits submitted to them, but rather to rejoice that their names were written in heaven (Luke 10:20).

Still, there was something thrilling about the thought of little me confronting something supposedly bigger and stronger than myself, and seeing it submit to the authority of Jesus.

But don’t worry about me. My name had better be written in heaven!

Since arriving in Yei a couple of weeks ago, however, I have heard about and witnessed several situations attributed to demonic attacks. Some have involved children.

And it got me thinking.

Back home, encounters of this dramatic nature seem to have become less common, at least within the Christian circles familiar to me.

So, what happened? Did the demons flee?

Are the people in our neighborhoods suddenly free from spiritual oppression?

Have the demons somehow become immune to our prayers?

Or have we simply stopped recognizing their activities because they no longer look the way we expect them to look?

Could it even be that we are looking for dramatic manifestations while the enemy has become far more sophisticated, comfortably and quietly working among us?

That question took me back many years.

Fifteen Demons and a Fifteen-Year-Old Boy
In an earlier blog, Can Children Be Witches?Can Children Be Witches?, I promised to tell the story of one unforgettable encounter from my younger years.

Here it is.

In the company of two wonderful friends, I participated in what we understood to be the deliverance of a fifteen-year-old boy from fifteen demons.

It happened on the final night of an evangelistic outreach on a university campus. We called the meeting Holy Ghost Night and what a night it became!

The main meeting had ended, and most of the students had already left when I suddenly heard loud prayers coming from an unfinished building near the meeting hall.

Then came the repeated command, “Come out!” “Come out!”

I raced toward the sound. There on the floor was a young boy being physically restrained by several young men while Brother Austin Okeke, now a pastor, led the prayer session.

I watched for a few minutes.

When this young boy attempted to move his restrained limbs, the guys holding him down could hardly hold their ground. It was a war.

I became so fascinated by what was happening that I ran back to the hostel to get a tape recorder.

This encounter, I thought, must not go unrecorded.

By the time I returned, the team had cast out six of fifteen demons.

Brother Austin was using an approach we had not tried before. He asked each supposed spirit to identify itself and describe what it was doing in the boy’s life.

One after another, voices responded. I began recording when they reached the seventh.

The voice coming from the boy sounded to us like that of an old man and sometimes it came like an echo. He repeatedly gnashed his teeth in a manner that sent cold shivers down my spine.

For some time, he refused to answer our questions.

Then came these words, “When a foolish man holds his peace, he is counted a wise man.”

I was stunned.

About two weeks later, I came across those exact words in Proverbs 17:28 and it pained me much that the demon quoted a scripture and I didn’t know.

We continued asking for a name.

The boy’s face contorted strangely before the voice asked us, “Can you imagine a tree growing in the middle of the sea?”

Brother Austin tried to interpret the statement.

“So you are Oke Osisi?” he asked, an Igbo expression referring to a great tree.

No.

The answer, we were told, meant something more.

Then came the name, “Nkpologwu bi na mmiri.” In Igbo, roughly, “a root that dwells in the water.”

Each time the boy moved with such extraordinary force that the brothers restraining him lost their balance over and over.

The message being communicated was clear, “You cannot uproot me from this boy.”

But we continued praying, addressing the spirits tormenting this boy.

By now it was very late. We were getting tired.

Someone suggested that instead of continuing one by one, we should simply command all the remaining spirits to leave at once.

So we did.

There was only one problem:

Where were we sending them? To the Moon? The Sun? The Arctic? Everyone commanded them at will. The boy tossed and turned on the ground and let out a loud and prolonged scream. We believed he was delivered.

We were young and naive. Looking back today, I can smile at some of our youthful enthusiasm and theology.

Eventually, the boy opened his eyes. We celebrated and retired to sleep, assuming it was over.

But the following day, the boy approached Brother Austin and said something chilling, “How do you think you can cast all of us out like that?”

Apparently, as far as we understood the situation, it wasn’t over.

The Final Night
That Sunday evening, Brother Austin, Brother Ken Nwaopara and I took the boy to a quiet area of the campus to pray with him again.

This time, we approached things differently.

There was less physical restraint and less commotion.

We also kept asking ourselves one question, Why did this boy voluntarily come back?

Whatever was happening inside him, something within him seemed to want freedom.

We attributed that to the work of the Holy Spirit.

What followed remains one of the most extraordinary deliverance ministry experiences of my younger years.

The remaining demons each manifested in their unique voices and characteristics. They gave their names, described their supposed functions and made numerous claims about the boy, other people, local and national events.

Some things they said appeared to correspond with information we later encountered. Other claims concerned events and supposed spiritual schemes far beyond anything we could verify.

That experience taught us something important, but perhaps not exactly what we thought it taught us at the time.

We came away convinced that evil was more organized, deceptive and determined than we had previously imagined.

But today, years later, I think there was another lesson waiting for me.

What If the Enemy Doesn’t Need to Make You Scream?

When the last demon came out that night, the boy suddenly stood up and looked around.

“Why are we here?” he asked.

Then he noticed us sweating.

“What happened?”

We explained what we know had taken place.

He wept.

And there, that night, we led him to Jesus Christ.

I have never forgotten that encounter, but neither have I stopped thinking about it.

Because spiritual warfare doesn’t always look dramatic.

Perhaps this is where we sometimes get distracted.

We look for someone screaming on the floor.

We expect strange voices.

We expect violent manifestations.

We expect something spectacular enough to announce, “The devil is here!”

But what if deception has become quieter?

What if the enemy can accomplish more through a Christian’s pride than through a dramatic manifestation?

What if unforgiveness can keep someone bound for years without anyone shouting, “Come out!”?

What about envy?

Secret lust?

Greed?

Bitterness?

Self-deception?

Spiritual apathy?

What if a believer can attend church, sing worship songs, quote Scripture, carry a Bible, and still become increasingly useless to the purposes of Jesus because something has quietly captured the heart?

Perhaps the most dangerous bondage isn’t always the one that throws somebody onto the floor.

Sometimes it is the one that allows us to remain comfortably seated in church while our hearts slowly move away from Christ.

So, Where Did All the Demons Go?

Maybe that’s the wrong question.

Satan’s ancient strategies of deception and camouflage have not fundamentally changed. Scripture still describes our struggle as extending beyond what is merely physical.

But perhaps we need to become less fascinated with manifestations and more attentive to fruit.

What is happening to our hearts?

What is happening to our marriages?

What is happening to our integrity?

What is happening to our love for Jesus?

What is happening to our compassion for people?

What is happening to our obedience?

What is happening to our churches?

The signs of warfare may not always be spectacular.

Sometimes the battlefield is the human heart.

So let me leave you with the question I am asking myself, Are the signs of this war visible where you live?

And more personally, Are you moving from victory to victory, from glory to glory, or have you become so accustomed to the battlefield that you no longer recognize the war?

Eugene Peterson’s rendering of Ephesians 6 reminds us that this is no casual contest from which we simply walk away. We face realities greater than our own strength, and therefore need everything God provides if we are to remain standing (Ephesians 6:12–13).

And yet our confidence remains anchored in the supremacy of Christ,“The LORD (God) says to my Lord (the Messiah), Sit at My right hand, until I make Your adversaries Your footstool.” Psalm 110:1 AMP

The enemy may change tactics.

The manifestations may change.

The battlefield may change.

But the authority of Jesus Christ has not. Hallelujah!!

Where are the Women?

When one of the lead facilitators of an important ministers’ training I attended here asked, “…why are there no women here?” his query seemed to suspend airflow in the room briefly. Our befuddlement was salvaged by a quick response from one participant, urging him to proceed without waiting for an appropriate answer on this worrisome question.

 

No excuse could suffice for the absence of a single local female in that meeting. But were they considered and invited? Were they needed there? Who really qualifies among them to attend anyway? In a meeting where the youth, church growth, discipleship and children are on the main menu, it’s sad to imagine that local women were absent.

Brothers and Sisters, we have a largely unengaged battle field before us here in South Sudan. This is another Macedonian Call! Who’ll come to our rescue?

We are in dire need of Women whose heart the Master has touched; disciples of Christ to whom women here can run to for godly counsel. Our future is doomed without local mentors who have been through it and withstood the heat, arising from the complex issues that bedevil today’s Woman.

Let me attempt to give you an idea of what we are wrestling with here.

Early this week, I had this chat with a pastor friend, who told me he was just returning from seeing his brother whose wife passed away.

“Was she sick?” I inquired.

“Well yes, she had a mental illness for some time and just committed suicide… she left the man with five children.”

“It seems the case of suicide deaths is on the rise here…?”

“Yes my brother, we have an average of 65 cases like this every year here… many of them are married women with children and a good number of young girls too…” he added.

“What do you think is the problem?”
 
“I guess they feel they don’t have anyone to talk to or maybe no one understands them or they are just tired of dealing with the same evils over and over… suicide seems to be their last option.”
 
I was afraid to ask him, “What should we do?” because he could say, I don’t know and proceed to ask me the same.

During the debrief session after our evangelism thrust last Sunday; Rose, a heavily pregnant and yet energetic young leader in the church commented thus:

“It’s a pity we don’t have a lot of our women coming to go on evangelism with us. Many women in the villages are suffering seriously and looking for help. Since we started this evangelism I’ve seen that we have a big work to do amongst the women…”

Others concurred with her, sharing their experiences with women they’d encountered who were drunks, possessed of demons, with illnesses that have defied doctors’ help, in bitterness etc.

A 12yrs old girl was delivered of her baby girl just over a week ago.

Abortion is on the rise.

Some hospitals here now offer the service for quick money.

Many young girls are dropping out of school due to unwanted pregnancies.

Many women are being treated for depression. 

I’ll not talk about the rape cases, the abuse in the schools, the prostitution and so on. No one can minister to a woman better than a fellow woman. So where are the women? I mean local hands!!

When one of the missionaries here, a qualified medical doctor lost her baby during delivery, she connected fully with the women folk around her.

She told me her story, which ended like this:

“When I returned home, the women came running from everywhere but when I told them what had happened, they mourned with me. One put her hands around my neck and said, “…now that you know what we’ve been suffering, you are one of us.” This opened doors for my ministry to them.”

Many local ministers’ wives do not command the respect of their flock? But do they even know their duties? What is the place of the pastor’s wife in the church? I’ve seen that one of the most challenging positions any woman can occupy is- Pastor’s Wife; even here in Sudan. But are we without hope… help? Where are the women?
 

“If the war alarm gives an unclear signal, who will prepare for battle?” (1Corinthains 14:8 my paraphrase) We are at war on all fronts but it seems the church thinks otherwise. Many are doing ministry that’s not people focused.

* Do you have a heart laced with grace and yearning for solution to Women issues?

* Do you lead a thriving Women ministry with abiding fruit?

* Are you concerned for the next generation of Women leaders and wish to mentor some unto maturity?

* Can God use you and/or yours to stir up a response for His fame and Kingdom here?

* Are you burdened enough to seek a solution with and for us? Can you share this with some women in your church or network and solicit help for us?

* Can you sacrifice a few weeks of your life sooner than later to come bring joy to a desperate woman here?

If your answer is yes to any one of the above, please feel free to connect with us. Let’s plan your trip to South Sudan together. You could be Jesus in flesh and blood to someone in need here.

To my wife TODAY!

 

Darl,

When we said what we thought was our last good-nights yesternight; I couldn’t sleep, so I had to make that very late call, to wish you a great day today and also seek an exit into sleep-land.

There was a tad of gloom that pervaded my spirit as we spoke, though I had many reasons to be more joyful, as I’d shared a few with you on the goings on here. STILL, I struggle… , wishing we were together. It’s your birthday today and I’m not there again.

Knowing how you cherish our special days, makes it more challenging to discern how best to light-up your day and make your joy fuller when I’m away; especially with the boys growing older and my absence a little louder with each trip.

You know how I hate to be far from home but you relish the opportunity for an expedition such as this. We’re surrendering better to Abba’s sovereignty. Yeah, He concocts wonders in His matchmaking workshop; ever seeking to announce Himself with and in everything. He doesn’t just love to say, I AM THE LORD! He delights in proving it. He smiles.

I celebrated you here last year and I’m back here this year, celebrating at the very same spot, but you are STILL hundreds of miles away.

Darl, I appreciate you for being in my life like this... I can’t stop wondering why of all men, I should be the one, to have and to hold you… but alas today, of all days, I’m not on site.

The events at home soon after I left burst my surprise package meant for today. But I know you know I understand. I know you know Abba’s smiling. You fill His joys and that of many that appreciate Him for our ministry here and there.

Our common passion for His cause will STILL guide your actions and words, He’s there for you and I am too.

Some days, our adventures with the Master are nice when the waters are calm and not as stormy as now. But you never complain. The last 6weeks have been loaded with activities, duties and issues meant for both of us to tackle, but it STILL pleased you well to let me go, pouring out your blessings and affirmations as I left.

You’ve sacrificed much…

You’ve sown much…

You’ve sweated much…

You’ve served much…

Having done so much, you’re STILL standing; helping to save many.

Truly, truly I say unto you Darl, you may miss my presence today, as I miss yours, but we’ll not miss Abba’s embrace when we finish. I promised, I’m taking us there.

May Abba’s pleasure continue to prosper with your every effort. I prayed long and hard for you this morning; asking The Sweet Paraclete to put a flavor in your week, that’s unique to Him; one that will linger. He assured me.

May the Lamb that was slain STILL receive the reward of His pains as you mark your day today my Darling. (I could rap this line for you:)

On behalf of the boys and me, here’s a toast to you again! We love YOU!!

Your One&Only…

[This video clip is a song by Bebe & Cece Winans that comes close, yes, close to what I think I should sing to you today. But there’s STILL my return to wait for.]

Abba smiles again.